Posted on 2009.01.08 at 02:56
Where The Hell Am I?: Bean's House
Mood-o-tron Says::
contemplative
Tags: dr, who, writer's block
Patrick Stewart.
That would be frickin' AWESOME.
And the nerdiest thing the in the universe. And I wouldn't care. Because it would be AWESOME.
Posted on 2005.05.02 at 00:30
Mood-o-tron Says::
silly
Mood Music:: Amorphis - Greed
Hitchiker's Guide was great! I love it. Brilliantly sarcastic in bits too.
In other news, I am apparently married to Dom Monaghan:
And this guy too! Wow...two LOTR guys in at once. This is entertaining.
.....I think I like this the best though...
Jebebus I'm bored...maybe I should try packing...
Posted on 2004.08.14 at 21:17
Mood-o-tron Says::
bored
Mood Music:: I Wish...
| How to make a elvish_kitty |
Ingredients:
1 part intelligence
1 part courage
3 parts ego |
Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of caring and enjoy! |
Posted on 2004.08.11 at 15:59
I'm hungry.
And also extremely bored.
At lunch, Bean (my sis) and I took a break and went to a store in downtown Stinkerville (Hammyton) to acquire her a mesh shirt with a silver skull and cross bones on it. I find this shirt amusing, because it was the top half of a sheer outfit that included panties (black), even though she only bought the shirt. She was also seriously disturbed by some of the other stuff they had in there, ie: bottomless fishnets.
My sister needs to lighten up just a tad. Seems to think vinal (sp?) is disturbing.
Of course, the main item for sale in that store was - bet you didn't guess this - shoes.
Yup, lots and lots of lovely shoes. And the ones I was drooling over (knee high, stilettoes, lace up, vinal...make me want to say 'meow' and run around in black leather) were only $75. And they had thigh high ones too. >:)
Of course, they had all manner of normal shoes...although, come to think of it, they were almost all dress shoes of some sort, and most of them were platforms. But it was still a shoe store, pretty much, which I think was an attempt to keep from having liscences and shite of that nature...I dunno.
Now, I wouldn't want most of the stuff in there on my feet, but...ah...I just drool over knee high black lace up boots like that. It's a crying shame I don't have the money to buy them.
Damnit, I need a job. This is not news.
Ummm...I'm not leaving for N. Carolina until the 28th...hopefully I'll be able to make it to the Ren. festival. I've never been to one, and it looks like a lot of fun. I've been reading most of the later Heinlein books pretty steadily for the past little while...they have a combined effect of depressing me and making me smug with the knowledge that most of what Heinlein says about humanity is dead on. Even if I'd rather it wasn't. It's why I take Heinlein in doses...humanity depresses me.
Anyway, I'm still having a permanant blonde moment...forgetting details, cloud around the mind, that sort of thing...I'm thinking it's got something to do with hormones. Maybe it's the MBP's...or something. Or maybe I'm still sick. Mum wants me to get blood work done or something; I probably should. Because if I still have that bastard infection, I don't want it to be getting it any worse.
But I am looking forward to N. Carolina. I still dunno what part of it I'm going to, but I do know that the whole family on that side is renting a three story house with enough beds for everyone, and all the girl cousins (me, my two sisters and three more cousins) get the top floor to ourselves. It even has a tv, though I don't expect to be watching much of it. Except for the odd Star Trek epi, perhaps.
The only downside at the moment is that this house is a six hour drive from the ocean. Eeewy...I prefer camping a hundred feet from the ocean and having the waves put me to sleep, like we did in Cape Breton. It's very, very relaxing.
Right...I've got to sign off now...hopefully I'll be back in at the office doing diddly shite again tomorrow, or the day after. And I'll see when I can get back up to Shittysauga...depends on when my mum needs me next.
Tiddly boogles, yo...
~R
Posted on 2004.07.09 at 20:03
Mood-o-tron Says::
crappy
Mood Music:: I wish...
No more. Please, Jebebus, no more!
At work until everything is done today. Took me from 12 to now to do one thing on my list.
I want to kill something, or - perhaps - curl up in a corner and cry
Posted on 2004.05.11 at 16:11
And so, I've got access while I'm here. My stupid puter STILL isn't fixed, and I feel like I'm living in a vortex because I can't get at my stories, and I don't have anyone's number...
...and if I do, it's been lost in the mess that is my room. Sorry...*sheepish grin*...my slobbish tendancies are ones I've been trying to get over and still haven't yet, despite all attempts.
Anyway, I got a weee bit o' money the other day, my last pay cheque from my mum's office, so I got a little bit of food, and some stuff to wrap up and send to my Aussie twin, and some Lilly of the Valley oil from that Body and Nature (or whatever) store in South Common. I don't know why I went in there...I just thought...meh, why not? So I went in, and the oil stuff was on sale...pure Lilly of the Valley oil...smells wonderful. The thingy said something about mental powers, the sheet up by the oils and stuff...I dunno. I just like it.
But yeah...the real fun came yesterday when I half woke up in the night absolutely CONVINCED that there was someone in the room with me, whispering something that I couldn't hear to me...andI was terrified. Not just the nervous I get when I get the feeling I'm being watched (unfortunately, more frequently than I'd like), but actual terror. I remember feeling the hairs all over my arms and leg and back stand straight on end...and trembling...I don't think I've ever been that scared before.
And, other than that, my dreams had something to do with these ancient coins and antique bottles at the bottom of the ocean, and diving for them, and there were all these dead bodies, but I collected the coins and then had two melted down to make a ring for me...and two more for someone else, though i don't know who. And the ring had a tiny, tiny sapphire in the top, and three blueish stones further along, where they'd be if they were below the level of my finger. And they were rectangular, whereas the sapphire was roundish, I think. Anyway, the coins were from 1036, and I remember saying, "they're old" or words to that affect in reluctance before the goldsmith dude stuffed them in his vat of boiling metal.
But yeah...and there was something about a white horse floundering in snow, and mum wouldn't let me go help because we had to keep the huge ass long train of gold carts (not carts with gold in, but little ornamental carts made out of gold and connected by a gold chain) going so we could win. Win what, I dont' know because I woke up just about then and found the kitty in my room when I'd made sure he handn't been there when I closed the door to go to bed.
So yeah...weird happenings.
In other news, I read the first book of the Dune series. Damn good. And, I've been working at Conference services these past few days, which means money (yay money!)...and Jon finally met my youngest brothers, and they like him. Not that it would matter if they didn't, but it's always good to know that your siblings don't despise your bf.
Right...I'm heading off home to the computerless hole that is my house (Kat's the only one with a puter now...) so...I'd call people if I had their numbers, but I can't find any of them because I'm inept when it comes to organization.
Toodles, yo
Posted on 2004.05.06 at 00:38
Mood-o-tron Says::
annoyed with myself
Mood Music:: Meeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww
Don't EVER go through your files and delete things because you're fed up with Internet Optimizer and think that every file with a string of incomprehensible consonants is evil.
It's very, very bad.
Awooga.
So yeah...I won't be online for a...indetermined amount of time.
So you'll have to call me if you want to talk to me until I get my puter back.
Posted on 2004.04.20 at 15:56
Mood-o-tron Says::
giggly
Mood Music:: Need music!!!
Posted on 2004.04.20 at 15:02
Mood-o-tron Says::
bored
Mood Music:: no music...am going insane
Even so...isn't this one of the most goddamn adorable things ever?
Posted on 2004.04.20 at 13:44
Mood-o-tron Says::
cheerful
Mood Music:: Wish I had some...
~~~
A man lost at sea was washed up upon an island. The island seems to be deserted and uninhabited until he finds a fountain mounted on a pedestal. This relic is very old, but the water is clear and the man thirsty. He bends to drink, but stops short when he sees the reflection of a beautiful woman in the still water. He looks up and she stands before him. She is tall and thin and frail looking, yet she radiates strength. She is dressed in a silver white gown and her silver gold hair hangs past her waist. Her age is undeterminable, but her eyes speak of ageless wisdom. Three birds attend her, fluttering about her shoulders, but never landing.
The strange and enchanting woman welcomes him, leads him to a cottage and tells him he is welcome to stay as long as he wishes. She leaves him at the cottage to consume the dinner that is awaiting him on the table. Being hungry, the man set himself to eat without questioning his hostess. The food is simple faire, but he notices there is no meat. Nonetheless, his needs are met, he is clothed and fed, although he never sees those who serve him.
The woman comes to visit him and after drinking too much of her wine, he pressured her to sleep with him. She refuses, but after drinking more of her wine, he persists and pesters her to sleep with him again. The woman's face "becomes like the dark moon" and she warned him that he must offer no offense to any person or animal on the island and that if he should use force on any creature there, dire consequences would follow.
The man wanders the island and meets many tame animals who appear to be much more intelligent than any other animals he had encountered before. He often sat and visited with them and although he could not speak to them, he did feel that they where his friends, recognised him and appreciated his visits. They seemed to talk amongst each other, but he could not understand them.
The next time the woman came to visit the man he was drunk again. She sat with him, but he was abusive and grabbed her and tried to force a kiss on her. Somehow she escaped his grasp and snapped his wrist.
"I see that you are out of your head with my wine" she said. "I will forgive your behavior this one time, but remember what I have said. Show only kindness to every thing living here."
The man roamed the island in a foul temper, nursing his broken wrist. He stormed and stomped and cursed his ill luck under his breath. He came upon a white rabbit that he often visited while wandering and the rabbit began to follow at his side. It's expression looked worried, but compassionate. The man did not want to be seen in such a mood and began to feel the rabbit was mocking him. In a fit of anger the man grabbed up the rabbit, snapped it's neck and threw it's body in the bush. But the rabbit changed into something else, something with gossamer wings and a long thin body and it flew away, crying as it went. The man did not notice this, for he had only just realized that his wrist was healed. He stomped off and began to walk back to the cottage, but a storm quickly blew up and he was buffeted by rain and winds. By the time he reached the cottage and collapsed into bed he was cut, scraped, cold and soaked to the bone.
When he awoke in the morning he was no longer in the cottage, but on the beach. The shining woman stood before him.
"You have killed one of my children" she told him. "I have warned you against this. Now I must send you away."
"But what if I refuse to go?" he asked.
"I am the Goddess Rhiannon, and this is my island. You stand on my land. You may not refuse."
With these words Rhiannon became as large as the moon and she picked the man up like a doll in her hands and she broke his legs, snapping the bones like twigs and she broke his arms, crushing the bones in her palms. She then pushed his mangled limbs into his torso and shaped him into a piece of driftwood and threw him into the sea, cursing him as the tide carried him away.
The man is found on the shore of his homeland and taken in and fed by his kind family. He has lived a hundred years now and he wishes to die, yet he shows no sign of nearing his death. His misshapen limbs are useless to him now and he cannot do more than feed himself and stagger a few steps. Even this causes him great pain. But every full moon he staggers and crawls out to the garden, where he looks at the moon's reflection in the well and he cries and cries, his tears making ripples in the still, clear waters of the well.
~~~
...be kind to animals and Rhiannon won't mangle your limbs and chuck you out to sea. >:)
Posted on 2004.04.20 at 12:39
Mood-o-tron Says::
bored
Mood Music:: Just stuff in my head
Last cigarette: don't smoke
last kiss: April 18th
last good cry: Saturday - while watching Hidalgo
last library book checked out: Stuff on the Minoans
last movie seen: Hidalgo
last book read: Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad...and my old petrology text
last cuss word uttered: buggerit
last beverage drank: bawls
last food consumed: poptarts
last crush: Jon
last phone call: one of mum's clients
last tv show watched: Star Trek: The Next Generation
last time showered: last night
last shoes worn: my boots
last cd played: ROTK soundtrack
last item bought: poptarts and bawls
last downloaded: my puter blows
last annoyance: Tim's Tax (that "meals under four dollars tax" designed to tax poor people. Bloody liberals. There are reasons I don't vote for them.)
last disappointment: ran out of story
last soda drank: Bawls
last thing written: Journal entry earlier this afternoon about a dog named Ralph
last key used: I haven't used a key for ages...mine vanished
last word spoken: all
last sleep: last night and this morning
last im: Fiona
last sexual fantasy: it's got rope in
last weird encounter: finding a huge puddle at the bottom of the office stairs, with no indication to how it got there (though we worked that out later)
last ice cream eaten: vanilla with mini eggs in
last time amused: hearing about how my uncle managed to win back all but nine dollars of the money he spent on a cruise (cheap to begin with) by playing at a casino
last time wanting to die: the first time Jon introduced me to his dad as "the girl who sucked on my neck"
last time in love: now
last time hugged: April 18th
last time scolded: when dad told me to get off the puter yesternight
last time resentful: sunday
last chair sat in: this one that I'm in now
last lipstick used: don't wear any
last underwear worn: they're grey
last shirt worn: it's grey too, and I got it at Value Village
last time dancing: today, through the office cuz I had nothing else to do
last poster looked at: the X files posters above my bed in my parent's house
last show attended: Les Miserables (sp?), put on by Theatre Aquarius in the summer
last webpage visited: XXX HOT MALE-err...Hotmail...hee hee hee!
I HURT: my knee when I whacked it off the desk
I LOVE: Jon!
I HATE: data entry
I FEAR: bees, clowns and the unknown
I HOPE: that I'll pass all my courses
I FEEL: bored
I HIDE: Myself, the other half of my mind. She's generally more rational - you've probably already met her. Hee hee hee.
I DRIVE: nothing; I need my liscence
I MISS: Jon
I LEARNED: how to do payroll crud
I NEED: to live somewhere with very little contact with the outside world
I THINK: waaaaay too much
current clothes: boots, leggings, long skirt, long sleeved shirt, suit jacket
current mood: bored
current music: can't have music in the office
current taste: poptarts (strawberry)
current hair: goldish brown (well, it is), straight down
current annoyance: Politics
current smell: Hamilton
current thing i should be doing: work - but there isn't any
current desktop picture: None, but at home it's a huge pic of Jon >:)
current refreshment: Bawls
current worry: not being able to make rent
~~~
Well, that killed some time...I should be reading or working or something...finding quizes to pester you all with...that sort of deal...printing pictures to tape into my real journal...
Posted on 2004.04.20 at 11:30
Mood-o-tron Says::
giddy
Mood Music:: Peter Gabriel - Red Rain (in my head again)
...there was a dog named Ralph. Ralph was one of those dogs that looks like every other dog out there, except for the ones he didn't look like, which were - in fact - all of them.
One day, Ralph was skipping down Main Street when he happend upon a cat. The cat was announced DOA at the local hospital, but that's only because while it was running away someone hit it with a car. Ralph was sad. He'd liked that cat. It had always given him a good run, and didn't complain much that time he'd mistaken it for a female chihuahua.
Ralph skipped further down Main Street and came to a corner, whereupon he immeditately pissed on a pole.
A man hit him with a broom. Ralph killed him.
THE END.
Snigglity baboowagasnorf jahooooooga!
(This moment of insanity brought to you by serious boredom at work)
Posted on 2004.04.19 at 14:59
Mood-o-tron Says::
energetic
Mood Music:: Whatever's going through my head now...
I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON. I HEART JON.
Wow...okay...can someone tell me what I *wasn't* doing at work? >:)
Posted on 2004.04.16 at 12:48
Mood-o-tron Says::
chipper
Mood Music:: the orchestra of my mind
Well...now that everyone knows I'm schitzoid...what does that mean, exactly? Something along the lines of spastic?
I shall have to look it up.
Damn, that quiz was long...
Posted on 2004.04.16 at 11:17
Mood-o-tron Says::
bored
Mood Music:: B-52's - Rock Lobster. It's just playing in my head though
Yo dudes
I haven't written for the past couple of days cuz I've been working for my mum and stuff. Yay money! I think I'll just be able to make rent and bills this months >:) And then I start for Conference services in May, so...money money money money money.
Anyway, I've been doing data entry for the past couple of days, and have been slowly going nuts because of it. Data entry is eeeeewy. All numbers and invoices and...yuk. Today's not too bad, though, cuz there's not much of the numberlike stuff to do. So I just get to do typical secretary stuff, like answer phones and take messages, and put a whole wack of invoices in envelopes to be mailed.
This job's not all that bad...except for the hours. It's not a nine to five type thing...it's a nine to whenever we get done, usually somewhere around ten or eleven pm, and then a drive back to the 'Hole
Update though: Still having whacked out dreams, though I can't remember what the one I had last night was. The night before involved Jon stopping me from cutting up onions, and something similar...I haven't seen the Stag again, though I'd like to. He was pretty.
What I found out about White Stags, from the Irish/Celtic prospective, anyway, is that they're the messengers of the Gods, guides into the Otherworld, and I'm pretty sure fall under the jurisdiction (sp?) of Flidais, the Irish version of Artemis/Diana. You know...woodland Goddess, big on hunting and deer...rides in a chariot pulled by four deer...The Celts were big on deer. Of course, they got to live and hunt the Irish Elk, which apparently had an antler span of seven feet or so. Wish I could have seen that...they're extinct now, of course.
Anyway, Flidais is also in charge of fertility and the like. Apparently, her husband (can't remember his name) is so...energetic...that it takes seven mortal women to satisfy him....or Flidais. Hee hee hee.
Myths are so funny. And they reflect well the desires of humans. That doesn't say much about humans, really...
Ummm...I'm coming back into 'Sauga for the weekend. I'm heading up tonight, but I don't know when that's going to be. Hopefully it won't be too late...I'm coming back to work again on Sunday, but I'll be back up again for the APC concert...YEEEE!!!!
I just realized I had a hankering for some Heinlein. Time Enough For Love, I think...it's a damn good one. >:)
For now though...I've gotta get back to work...or, at least, to reading...
Tiddly boogles, yo.
Posted on 2004.04.10 at 14:27
Mood-o-tron Says::
complacent
Mood Music:: Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman - Come What May
First off...Jon got an lj! Yay! Now we can write disgustingly cute messages to each other and make the world either go "awwwww!" or "argh!", depending. Hee hee hee >:)
Ummm....next up: I just had eight inches cut off my hair, after nearly two years without a trim. Despite the fact that my hair is still long, it now feels really short, because it only goes to my armpit when braided. Plus, the bint who cut my hair cut it in such a way that I can't braid it properly because some of the strands are shorter than others and they stick out of the braid. Stupid bint.
Oh well...it'll grow back.
Anyway, besides that, nothing much has happened here. Except I got to drive most of today, which is good. Mum says that with a few more lessons and some driver's ed, I'll likely have my full liscence by the end of the year. Woo!
Of course, that means I get to drive when we got to N. Carolina...yippee!!! But that won't be 'till August, so I've got lots of time to learn how.
Movie wise...haven't watched much. I elected to talk to Jon instead of watching the Matrix Revolutions, or whatever the third one's called.
As for dreams...There was one involving this stuff that enabled you to walk on the walls and jump really long distances...and one where I was a super-bitch version of Buffy the Vampire slayer...or, at least, it involved Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Dunno where the hell that one came from. But I woke up just as I was signing an autograph with "don't mess with me". It was odd.
Anyway...yeah. I'm rather drained right now. I think I'm going to curl up in a ball and find somewhere to sleep. We've still got to go out later and get presents and that sort of thing...I need to get a present for my sister.
Awoooooga!
Posted on 2004.04.09 at 21:59
Mood-o-tron Says::
curious
Mood Music:: The Foundations - Build Me Up, Buttercup
Right...anything anyone can tell me about the following symbols as they pertain to dream images will be welcome They're all images from the dreams I've been having for the past while, and they're confusing me...
Broken planet: 1)A stone globe, weathered and eaten away and broken, and in the dream I reached down and tore off a piece of a continent that was made of some blue rock that I couldn't identify in the dream...and still can't now
Broken Planet: 2) Planet where all the mythics fled to was attacked by malevolent aliens...the very plants were possessed by evil and the atmosphere was stripped off...so the mythics fled back to our world before their parallel planet was broken into pieces by the same, odd, malevolent aliens.
Silver stag: nearly translucent silver stag, antlers all weird...they weren't branching - they curled back more like horns than antlers...and it wasn't a unicorn, because there were two horns >:)...and there might have been a wreath on the stag's neck...and the stag itself was kinda shiny. It looked almost like it was made up of stars while at the same time being solid flesh and blood...dunno...strange dream, that one...
Allen working in a strip club: If anyone can explain this one, I'd be happy!
Shadows: Not ordinary shadows...these ones pulled oddly dressed young men into the floor and...ate them? Not sure, but it was part of the dream with the broken globe and the stag, and they concern me...
Anyway, I think that there was more that I dreamt of, but I can't remember any of it now. Figures...I really should just start writing these things down.
Any ideas, anyone? My edhel muinthel told me that the white or silver stag was a symbol of the Tuatha De Dannan...that ring any bells with anyone?
Posted on 2004.04.07 at 02:27
Mood-o-tron Says::
anxious
Mood Music:: Delerium - A Poem For Byzantium
There's a lot on my mind. Not just the idea that I might barely pass one of my courses...it's something else:
Change.
Not the sort of change, the life steps that everyone passes or takes as they grow up. I'm nearly accustomed to that sort of change, and not just because I'm an "adult" now. I just adapt.
What I am afraid of is a different sort of change, one that'll affect even the lives of any children I might end up having. And it all revolves around whether or not I accept a responsibility that isn't actually mine.
At first, I thought, "Hey, that'd be pretty cool." Because with that responsibility comes the prospect of a whole new world that I wouldn't otherwise have complete access to. Of course, I wasn't told the whole story, and am still not being told the whole story. I don't blame anyone for this; how can I? Those I refer to (and you know yourselves) didn't know the whole story themselves. How could they tell me something they didn't know?
So, now that I've learned a little bit more, I have to question in more detail. Why must I accept this responsibility? Is someone going to appear and tell me that I'm the only one able, like the reluctant heroine in some over-worked fantasy plot line?
I shouldn't think so. I know there's someone else who is able to take the responsibility that is being given to/forced upon me, but they aren't taking it. That's *why* I'm next in line.
Of course, I did go through the "why me?" stage, and I am still wondering that, to a point. Why the hell would They pick me to take up this responsibility? It's not mine; I don't want it. I am slowly finding out the price for this responsibility, and because of this I'm coming to realize that this is one responsibility that I really DO NOT WANT.
Now...here are my thoughts on this as I have worked them out:
I will take this responsibility if, and ONLY IF, it means the salvation of people whom I care about. I will sacrifice a part of myself, or whatever it takes, to save the life of people I love and care for. But I'd better be given a damn good reason as to why the original owner of these duties won't take them, because if I bear this burden, that choice, that change, is going to affect even the lives of my future children.
Who am I to decide that for my children? To say that they must carry on a duty and responsibility given to me because another would not bear it? It is bad enough that they'll inherit an unclean world (unless something changes really damn soon, anyway). My mother always said that the only goal one can strive for in parenting is to raise good parents. I would like to live up to that standard and carry on that tradition - would I be a good parent if I decided for my as-yet even unconcieved children *exactly* what it was that they were going to be doing? Did not give them the choice to pick their live's path?
I dunno. My parents always made it abundantly clear that I could choose what it was that I wanted to do. They tried to the best of their ability to let me and my siblings sample enough of life to get a taste for it, to decide what was interesting and what could be looked into later.
I think I lucked out in my parents. I want my future children to think the same of me. I don't want them thinking that they're stuck doing something that they might not want to do, all because I made a choice "way-back-when" that doesn't apply to them.
These have been my thoughts. I don't expect everyone to know what it is I'm talking about, or why it is I'm talking about it, but...then again, the above words are the result of a very tired person in need of some untroubled sleep.
To that end, even though this may be incomplete and rambling, I'm going to bed. I'll edit later, if need be.
Maer môr, mellyn nîn
Posted on 2004.03.31 at 18:28
Mood-o-tron Says::
anxious
Mood Music:: Radiohead - Creep...is playing in my mind
I'm going to go nuts, waiting for these damn things to print themselves off...notes I need for a final I have tomorrow, that I am SO going to fail. I'm completely screwed. I really am. And $400 will go down the tubes, and I'll...
Fuckity. Fuck it all. Why the hell didn't I just do the bloody fucking work?
Laziness? My tendancy to procrastinate? Hell and damnation!
Anyway, this is short because I'm done printing off my notes and diagrams and stuff, and now I have to go try to cram a term's worth of information into my mind. And then study for my other final, on monday. And then for the other one, a week from tomorrow.
I think I'm going to go quietly insane this weekend. Oh joy.
Posted on 2004.03.28 at 12:28
Mood-o-tron Says::
chipper
Mood Music:: Opeth - Hope Leaves
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test